Brilliance and Gray

In the weeks following George's death, I felt compelled to write. I was wracked with pain, but fascinated and almost obsessed with my own grieving process. Everything I wrote, whether it contained his name or not, was about him. Every breath, every dream, every moment...it was all about George.


Original Post: 5/20/2010


What a strange day...

It began under darkest steel-gray, making the green of trees stand out, bold and rich. Every so often, the rain fell...no. It didn't fall, so much as it screamed madly to the earth in explosive bursts. Then, all would be still. The clouds would break, allowing for blue, sun, and fluffy-white to peek through and make the remnants of the almost violent storm glitter like something from a dream of jewels. Moments later, the thick, cold, dark would close off the light, and the cycle would begin anew. Glittering brilliance, then darkness and wet. Glittering brilliance, then darkness and wet. Both scenes beautiful and inspiring to me in my distant haze.

It was amid this chaos of dancing brightness and harsh rainfall that I ventured from one location to another...eventually finding my way to the rich foam of coffee and cream and the warmth of friendly and familiar smiles. I almost reached the real world at this time, only to haphazardly float off again...winding my weary way to the closing of the day. A million words and pictures and songs drove me home under the ever changing above.

Finding myself home, but not quite connected to the real world yet, I turn to Husband's presence, the softness of warm creatures and the hypnotic glow of the screen now before me. Apparently Jen found the end of the rainbow...but no gold. Maybe at the other end, she thinks. Maybe at the other end.